I hate it.

FOMO and being left out are two of  the worst things that plague me. I hate both of them because they are lies and false but I still feel them. And I hate feeling things I don't believe in or agree with. I hate when my heart over rules my head.

I don't want to be a person who leaves others out. I don't want them to feel excluded. I want to be a bringer together. I want to live in such a way that I find people who feel left out and draw them in and out of themselves.

I like coffee shops and hospitality. I like talking to and meeting new people. I like praying for people. I love being a hub.

Boys a'e weiwd

I don't want to get married and I don't want a boyfriend. Give me brothers and friends and a dog or two.

Almost any time I tell someone that I don't want to get married they respond with "Well than of course you'll be next." I don't dislike guys or anything. I love hanging around with them and I think they balance out the female population nicely. And I am sure, if a guy wins my heart I won't complain and refuse to marry him. But I don't want to fall for anyone. I am terribly and horribly afraid of the commitment and responsibility. I want to avoid the whole thing. All of it.

I calmly admit I am terrified and I don't want to be brave about it. I want to be invisible to keep boys away and relationships non-exisistant. That's all.

NO BOYS ALLOWED

Not very often

but every once in awhile someone asks me more questions than I want to answer.

And I wish it would happen more often.

because nobody knows anything

And as if that were all. In truth we know nothing about anything. And nothing about nothing is nothing.

We can't end on nothing
Nothing isn't much
We can't stop here
Empty

Nothing to be had
no reason
no one to notice the void
empty


reaching in every direction
but not because it isn't
and still

Nothing.

No wind
No breeze
No sound
No movement

but not stifling
no thick moisture
no icy rain
no cold
no heat

nothing

higher I try to feel
I try to reach up
To climb
but what can I climb on
Which way is up

nothing is up either
nothing is down too
there isn't
nothing is simple
and yet it isn't
because it's still only nothing
and simple isn't nothing

Nothing isn't floating
there can't be an edge
or a wall
there can't be anything
because it's

Nothing.

Good Morning

This morning I woke up fist pumping the air. And before I knew what was happening, I had jumped out of bed and was franticly searching for my phone. And that was because I was supposed to have found my phone last night but I didn't. And that was because I was waiting for a cat to get off me. And that was because, she never curls up with me and I love when animals do. But the one, main, thing I noticed as I searched through my things with my eyes barely open was that the sunrise outside my window was beautiful. And I didn't even have my contacts in yet.

Garden and Yard Plans

compost
clothesline
rabbit expansion
chickens
trough for burrowing
bottles
brickwork
raised beds
flowering vines
murals

I accidentally started a new blog

Maybe I will just post one thing per day. Yeah right. Here goes nothing I guess.